"The FAQ makes mention to requiring a key for execution that can only be purchased from the original distributor. It specifically mentions that this makes it non-free as in neither beer nor speech and therefore violates the GPL. "
I don't see how I'm misreading that. Jacob is saying that the GPL states that requiring a commercial key gets in the way of distribution and therefore violates the license. As you pointed out, that's not the case. Not only is this nowhere in the text of the license nor in the FAQ that I can see, it's just not accurate. 1) Paying for the key doesn't have anything to do with it. 2) Just because a redistributed version may not work without buying a key from the original developer doesn't make it not compliant.
What am I misreading?
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?